I'm Only Going to Say This Once

But I am a bad mom sometimes.  Yes, I use the term "crunchy" to describe myself.  But does that make me perfect?

See for yourself:

I cuss.  Sometimes even in front of my kids.
I have let my babies sleep in the boppy pillow because that was the only way they'd sleep.
I get drunk occasionally.
I yell sometimes.
I own a can of formula.
I own a crib.
I have let my kids cry-it-out for a good ten minutes to avoid smothering them.
I've fed my kids McDonalds a time or two.
I started my daughter on solids at 4 months old.
I've owned a few boxes of disposable diapers.
I didn't care enough for my garden last year and most of our shit withered away with the first frost.
I forgot to buckle up my kid's carseat a couple of times.
My daughter fell off of the couch once.
I have forgotten my daughter in the car before.
I didn't actually become an active baby - wearer until my daughter was 12 months old.
I had a hospital birth.
I take psychiatric medications.  Believe me when I say the holistic shit doesn't work (aside from placenta encapsulation.)  Not for me.
Sometimes my house is so messy that I just throw shit in the trash and don't bother with recycling.
I condone the use of drugs in labor for women who like them.
I support women with the desire to have c-sections.
I don't care if other women breastfeed or not.
I buy my kids dolls that are anatomically correct.
I don't use cute names for their genitals.
I kill the shit out of spiders.
I don't celebrate Easter or Christmas and avoid lying to them about Santa, The Easter Bunny and Toothfairies existences.
I HATE eating granola.

....And holy shit I could go on all day.  Do I love my children?  Fuck yeah.  They're the shit.  But do I have time to be the most perfect, most best, most coolest crunchy parent simply for the sake of being able to label myself?  Negative.

I try my best, and I do a good job.  But I will admit this now:
I'm not perfect, I'll never be perfect and neither will you.

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Wear What YOU Like, Not What Everyone Else Likes

For a long time, I never went outside in bikinis, or if I did I hid my body under a tank top or t-shirt.  I would buy bikinis, thinking they were so cute and I would try them on, unflattered by my looks.  I was so insecure, and so afraid that people would notice my stretch marks and how my stomach isn't flat.  I hated how I looked.

I realized my mistake not long ago.

My mistake is that I was buying things that looked cute on other people.  I liked the things I bought.  I bought things that were very cute and fashionable.  But I didn't like them once I put them on.  I bought the clothes anyway, thinking since they were in-style, I should wear them regardless of whether or not I liked how they looked on me.  That was mistake number one.  Mistake number two was buying things a size or two too small for my body because I didn't want to admit that I was a size 9 or 11.  I liked saying I was a 5 or a 7.  However, this was not conducive to my self-esteem.  I could squeeze into a 5 or a 7, but that didn't make me a 5 or a 7.  Instead it gave me a muffin top and an even lower level of confidence.

Then would come swimsuit season.  I'd buy whatever the sexiest bathing suit was that I could find.  That sexy little  swimsuit, however, didn't make me look sexy.  It was sexy on the rack, sexy in the window and sexy in the catalog on women with full 34C-cups, 26 inch waistlines and 34 inch hips..  And while it was on me, the swimsuit itself was sexy.  But it didn't make me look sexy or feel good.  It didn't compliment my curves or my stretch marks.  It brought them out more and all I could think about was how disappointed I was that I didn't look like a Victoria's Secret model with it on.

Does this country have an obsession with women in bikinis?  Damn straight.  Does that mean everyone needs  wear one since they're cool and sexier than one-piece suits?

Absolutely not!   Personally, I want to wear things that I feel confident in and bring out my best physical attributes.  I should wear something where, when I chase my kid down the beach, I don't have to worry about my snatch falling out, or I should be able to lay on my side without constantly worrying if people will notice all of my stretch marks, fat rolls and sagging skin.

More people should live by their own standards. And note, I appreciate ALL bodies.  Every single one, regardless of color, size, shape, scars, tone, fat, sex or age.   But what I love even more than that is a woman who feels good about herself and feels comfortable in what she's wearing.  If a woman is comfortable having stretch marks, being plus size or with wrinkles while wearing a bikini, that is her choice and I applaud her.  However, a lot of the women aren't totally comfortable showing their skin to a lot of people.

I do own a bikini and I like to use it when I want to get some extra sun or when I'm feeling comfortable with my surroundings.  But I also own a one-piece which I like to use more.  One-piece bathing suits aren't the most popular variety.  And usually people associate them with being old or being overweight.  That, however, is just not true.  I love wearing one and I am neither of those things.

I love being in a one-piece.  With a two-piece, while I have come to accept my flaws, I wouldn't feel sexy or appealing wearing it around a large group of people.  However, in my one-piece, although it's not a popular choice in style, I feel fabulous.

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Unapologetic Me

I love me with the sags.

I love me with the stretch marks.

I love me with dark circles.

I love me with frizzy hair.  

I love me with pale skin.

I love me with love handles.

I love me with back rolls.

I love me when I'm menstruating.

I love me when I'm lactating.

I love me with body hair. 

I love me when my hands are dirty.

I love me with belly fat.

I love that my body can give life.

I love that I can sustain life.

I love me when I eat.

I love me when I'm sick.

I love me for me.
Who I am goes deeper than my skin.

I'm confident.
I'm artistic.
I'm intelligent.
I'm creative.
I'm imaginative.
I'm logical.
I'm kind.
I'm articulate.
I'm ambitious.
I'm empowering.
I'm soulful.
I'm funny.
I'm daring.
I'm charming.
I'm thoughtful.
I'm generous.

And I'm unapologetic for being me.

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Wow, Victim Blaming and Slut Shaming Much?

Read this title:

Parents, students outraged by demeaning Facebook pages showing Ft. Collins girls in skimpy outfits

Now tell me what's wrong with it.  Did you find it?

What's wrong with it is the blatant victim blaming.  The problem with it, in case you're wondering, is the unnecessary information of what the girls were wearing.  So now begs the questions: why does it matter what kind of clothes they were wearing?  Is it because if they were wearing turtlenecks and loose pants, it would make the crime less acceptable?  Or is it because if they're wearing so-called "skimpy" outfits, it makes them deserved of slander?

Then comes this statement:

"Fort Collins police and the Poudre School District are investigating anonymous, demeaning Facebook pages launched over the weekend showing photographs of female students from Fossil Ridge and Poudre High Schools, including some girls in suggestive poses and revealing outfits."

Let me ask you again, why the fuck does it matter what these girls were wearing or how they were posing?  Let me tell you, I saw the Facebook page it's referring to long before it was taken down.  Not one of the girls was in a suggestive pose or wearing a revealing outfit (at least not according to today's standards.)  And even if they were, how does that give anyone the right to demonize these girls and call them sluts?  If it doesn't give others the right to judge and stereotype them, then why bother adding this information into the article?  

The girls that were bullied via these Facebook pages did not deserve the treatment they received, period.  If these girls were fashion models, they would not have been called sluts.  If the victims had been males who were shirtless, they would not have been recognized as sluts or whores.  They simply would have been considered bad-asses, and had the news gotten a hold of it, it would never be implied that they were provoking the treatment they received.  

That said, I hope people are capable of realizing the real issue at hand here.  The real issue, friends, is that these girls were being cyberbullied, and the absolute only victims of this crime were the girls.  The perpetrators should receive no sympathy or justification.  What they did was wrong, and anyone who finds bullying to be an acceptable behavior should be educated on why it's not okay.  Social media has become an extremely powerful tool, and although this behavior didn't take place face-to-face, it can still hurt others.  Take for instance, Phoebe Prince.  Remember her?  How about Megan Meier or Ryan Halligan?  If you're not sure who they are, do the rest of the world a favor and research what came of them after enduring tormenting cyber-bullying.

Hendrickson, Molly. "7NEWS - Parents, Students Outraged by Demeaning Facebook Pages Showing Ft. Collins Girls in Skimpy Outfits - News Story." 7NEWS. Scripps TV Station Group, 25 Mar. 2013. Web. 28 Mar. 2013.

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"Rise Above"

"So then...Rise above."  It's easy.

We've all heard that term before.  And I'm so sick of hearing it come from the mouths of privileged, heterosexual, white male-dominated individuals.  This term isn't something that is encouraging, believe it or not.  What exactly are people rising above? Their peers?  Their family?  The answer is simple.  They're expected to rise above oppression with very little resources to do so.  Why is it a good thing that they must work harder than the more respected demographic to get something accomplished in life?  Do people even realize what they're saying when they tell others to "rise above"?

Funny, because where I live most of the people don't need to "rise above."  Where I live, children are born into a world that makes it easy for them to get a formal education.  This is a place where our schools are decent, and actually help our children more than they harm.  It's a part of the country that isn't considered "low-income" or "impoverished."  I recognize that in other parts of the world, people aren't so fortunate.  Don't people ever stop and imagine what it would be like to be born into the less fortunate class?

What if you couldn't afford a TV, diapers, a car, your electric bill, healthcare, birth control, groceries, a gym membership or a college education?  If you couldn't afford these things, but wanted these things.. wouldn't you still want them?

What if you were the product of parents who sold drugs in order to make a living and try to provide for you?  Would you really tell them not to sell them if it was the only way they could put food on the table?  Would you not follow in their footsteps after seeing the cash flow in from it?

What if you were born into a place that was considered low-income, and the schools were so underfunded that it made it nearly impossible to find teachers dedicated enough to teaching that they would accept a lower wage than they would in a nice school district?  Would you really take school seriously?  What if the school you went to was more dangerous and harmful than it was beneficial?

What if, when you graduated high school, you went on to take a college entrance exam and realized that what you were taught in high school wasn't enough to get you accepted into college, because the school you went to taught at a slower pace than the more privileged areas?  Wouldn't it feel like you had wasted a lot of your time?

What if birth control was hard to come by because you didn't have enough money?  And when you fell pregnant at a young age, an abortion wasn't an option because it was too expensive?  Wouldn't you want to apply for welfare?

What if, when you were granted welfare, the only way they would give it to you was if you were making less than $300 a month?  What if, after income, Welfare offered you just enough money to scrape by.. say $600 a month, which is coincidentally just $100 more than your rent and bills?  Your other option was a job which earned you $550 a month.

What if you didn't have enough money for daycare and no family to help you?

What if the rest of the world expected you to survive on $550 a month?

What if the $550 a month that you earned was an income you made from having two jobs?  Wouldn't you want to find a way to make more money?

What if someone told you that they knew of a way for you to make more money - by selling drugs or your body.. wouldn't you feel tempted to do it so that you could provide your children with a better life?

What if, on your $550 a month income, your baby was sick with a fever and you couldn't afford to buy a bottle of Baby Tylenol or take your baby to a doctor?  Wouldn't stealing a bottle of baby Tylenol seem like a good choice?  Or checking into a hospital with no intention of paying for their services?

What if you were the baby of this mother who did what she could to survive, but she ended up in prison for  stealing?

What if you were thrown into the foster care system, and were so lonely that you felt like you had no one?  Would you seek friends in odd places, even if the only friends you could find were friends associated with gang violence?  It's a proven fact that humans thrive on companionship.. don't you think you would want this very basic need to be met?

What if this gang made you feel accepted and offered you something that your mother was no longer allowed to give you: family, love, trust, companionship, attachment?  If you were being deprived of these things and gang relationships were the best you could get, don't you think you might consider it?

What if you made some choices that had caused some run-ins with the cops?  What if the cops put you in jail a few times and you had a criminal record?

What if this criminal record made it nearly impossible to get a good job, or apply for student loans?  The only jobs available were jobs which earned you less than $9 an hour?  There is no inheritance or money that's just handed down to you from previous generations.

What if the gang you were in turned on you, and because of your recent run-ins with the law, and you didn't feel comfortable calling them to tell them about your history with gang-violence?  How would it feel to have no one on your side?

And how could you possibly "rise above"?

Funny, isn't it, when you finally look at what it really means to "rise above."  It's unfair that the people I described are held to higher expectations than rural suburbanites.  And what's worse is that this scenario isn't all that uncommon.  Even in movies notice how the people are able to rise above.  They either get lucky and get noticed for their dancing, singing, rapping or drawing skills or they luck out and end up with a bleeding-heart teacher determined to make the lives of his students more meaningful.  Sheer luck is how they are able to rise above.

So what typically happens to the people on the other end of the spectrum?  Typically they have better access to birth control.  Or their parents are more supportive of teen pregnancy.  Their schools aren't complete crap, and the teachers actually want to teach in their district because they have a bigger budget than low-income areas.  They are encouraged to go to college, because they're taught that criminals are bad (which are, of course, usually Blacks or Hispanics) and they don't want to get mixed up with "those kinds" of people.  And the best way to avoid them is a college education.  Their parents would most likely be able to provide them with some support through college; whether that's a college savings fund, a place to live, a place to sleep or just a little bit of money each month to make sure they aren't starving.  They  have a higher chance of living in a place where there are houses for rent and being able to split the rent with other college kids.  There aren't really any violent gangs and if there are, they're not a huge threat to their town.  When violent crime happens in their area, it's a big deal.  Most of the cops spend the days enforcing traffic laws or shooing loiterers.  There are plenty of reasonable paying jobs.  The worst encounter these people have had was "that one time driving through the ghetto in Denver where all the hookers are."

There is nothing to rise above.  Life is already easy being born into a world of opportunity.  And it's luck.  No one asks to be born a specific way.  We just are.  If you were born male, white, heterosexual and with a little bit of money, you have no right to talk about what it means to rise above unless you've truly researched what it means and understand that it's an impracticality for those born different than you. Pin It now!

A Gift For Birthing Moms

One of my close friends is due any day now and is planning on having an HBAC.  I will be attending as doula, and another close friend of ours will be attending her birth as her photographer.  The photographer and I wanted to do something special for her.  Not her baby. But her, exclusively.

We're both big into the idea that women need as much encouragement as they can get in labor.  Since birth is so often overlooked, we decided to make her a little book with positive words to build her up.  We are calling it a Birth Affirmations book, although not everything in it is technically an affirmation.  There are poems, song lyrics, personal letters and empowering quotes.  We will be presenting it to her either in early labor or in the next couple of days so that she can read it and remember the good energy and reminders throughout her labor.  I would encourage all doulas to do something similar to this, especially for those tricky births - like HBACs, VBACs, planned cesareans or women who don't have a lot of familial support.  This is a nice gift, because you can really be as creative or as simple as you want!

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Diaper of the Week: Good Mama AI2s

These diapers can be custom made and are made with a variety of materials.  Most materials are high end and great quality.  There is usually a hidden layer of PUL for waterproofing and the inserts snap in like most AI2s.  The people who make these diapers are stay-at-home-moms (and dads too) and can earn a small living making this.  But does that make them worth it?

Some Benefits:  These diapers are very trim and can fit a tiny newborn very well.  They are very easy to use and most of their designs are extremely cute.  They are mostly waterproof, which brings me to...

Some Drawbacks:  No amount of troubleshooting would make these diapers better or more absorbent, other than adding a cover over them.  I have done everything I could think of to get these things to not leak.  I've stripped them multiple times (and no, I don't use vinegar which does a number on PUL), I've increased the size, tried different inserts, doubled them up.  They  just do not want to hold up.  And really, what's the point of putting a cover over a supposed AI2 diaper?  On top of that, they're expensive.  Most of the time, people choose to cloth diaper for economical reasons.  If used exclusively, these diapers would cost over $1,000 for a complete stash.  So yes, they are just a tad overpriced.  Also, these don't fit larger kids.  My daughter is 3, and is 29 pounds.  If you're still diapering a toddler, these diapers are extremely impractical.

All-In-All:  I would suggest buying one for fun if you see a print that you must have.  However, I would suggest buying it used to save a bit of money.  Yes, I am cheap.  That's why I use cloth diapers.  I cannot justify spending $40 on just one diaper.  Sorry!

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Birth/Motherhood Affirmations

We spend so much time focusing on the baby during pregnancy, that very seldom are the mothers recognized or offered encouragement.  Usually women are scared or given negative thoughts and comments during pregnancy.  The person I would like to do these for is a dear friend of mine who has a home birth coming up.   As a woman who has given birth a few times, I recognize that the mother is the one who will be putting the most time and effort into her labor/birth.  On this page, I would like to invite friends to offer their encouragement or words of wisdom that aren't nagging or imply inability to birth.  Any negativity or comments that are not respectful or conducive to her wishes will be removed immediately.  I will go ahead and start, just in case you're wondering what kinds of things you might be able to say to help a woman who is counting down the days.  This can be as long or as short as you would like.  Once the comments are all gathered up, they will be printed and put into a special book.  It can  be one simple word that has a lot of power and meaning to you (courage, bravery, strength, love,etc.), a poem, a letter, a YouTube video that links a special song, wishes that you have for her or positive memories from your own birth.  Be as creative as you would like!

And please remember to keep this a secret!




Alexis, you are a strong and brave woman.  Women have been giving birth for billions of years, since before we were monkeys falling out of trees.  You will do great and you will make it through labor, birth and beyond great.  Congratulations on your upcoming journey! -Darah Pin It now!

No Time To Waste!

But I got a new camera.  Oh hai, picture spam!

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Ezra Miller - My New Favorite Actor

Okay.  So I didn't have a favorite actor to begin with.  

In light of my women's studies, and a huge feminist transformation in the recent years I've managed to take notice of oppression (of genders, races, sexuality, disabilities, religions, etc.) I notice things as minor as ads and I can identify things as extreme as contributions to rape culture.  

Anyway, a few months ago I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower and oh my god, did my inner teen fall in love!  I will be honest, I had high hopes for it to begin with.  I love those movies about people who are quirky or dysfunctional.. you know the type - Little Miss Sunshine, Precious, Juno, Running With Scissors, Donnie Darko.  I'm disappointed in myself when I say this, but I haven't read the book.  This probably subtracts from my credibility, but don't worry!  I've added it to my 2013 bucket list and I WILL get around to it - probably over spring break since I won't be bombarded with school and my birth commitments will have simmered down.

I expected it to be good, because let's face it - Emma Watson is the shit.  And then I was introduced to Ezra Miller.  I thought he was fabulous from the get-go.  The movie addressed some issues that have widely been overlooked and under-addressed.  Very subtle slut-shaming confrontation.  Sexual abuse (which is often ignored in males, or implies victim-blaming.)  Homosexuality in teens.  Drug enlightenment.  Teen feminism.  Mental health.  Teen pressure/self-image.  And of course the importance of screening The Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight.  Then, as I was scrolling through Facebook the other night, Unpacking the F Word posted some pictures.  

Can you say, awesome?  Okay, I don't want to sound like a weirdo.  I do not typically pry into the personal lives of actors.  To be honest, I think most of it's crap and I don't like to feed into how the media typically portrays men and women.  However when I saw these .gifs I was dying to know more about the kid!  It turns out, we have a few things in common!  I'm a major advocate of the queer community, and it just so happens that he is as well.  He's a politically active feminist.  He's also a high school dropout - something that is highly stigmatized, but shouldn't be.  And of course - he's adorable (just like me... KIDDING!)  

But really.  This kid needs more attention.  I so badly hope to see him go far.  The world needs more famous figures with this mentality and devotion to calling attention to the misogyny that shrouds societies and governs our world.

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